Standing at Golgatha

When Jesus was crucified, his disciples were devastated. They did not understand why their Messiah was dying! They had placed all of their hope and trust in Him. He was supposed to be their King! Why was he now being killed? More importantly, why was Jesus going willingly, without a fight?

These men had been promised things by Jesus, but in the moment of his crucifixion they forgot them. Their faith was proved worthless. They were not only grieving their dear teacher, leader and friend but they were also grieving the idea that somehow they had been wrong about Jesus. He wasn’t supposed to die, he was supposed to conquer!

The disciples could not see beyond this. They wanted Jesus to live so badly they didn’t understand that His death was so much more powerful than living. Jesus Christ had to die to save humanity from their sins. He had to die because He was the only perfect and acceptable sacrifice. He had to die in order to rise again. He had to die because that was the will of His Father in heaven.

From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.
Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”

Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.”

I have been very much like Peter in my view of my miscarriages. The dreams for my life were shattered. I could not see how a plan that didn’t involve my children living could possibly be any good. I could not remember any of the promises Jesus made. I could not see the will of my Father in Heaven.

Last night as I was laying in bed I heard Jesus speak to me. He brought me to the time and place of His crucifixion. He had me stand among the crowd, among the disciples that were there.

He asked me: “Kirsten, would you choose for me not to die? Would you choose that I stay with you and avoid the cross? Or would you send me to the cross?”

I answered honestly: “Lord I would beg you not to die. I would want you to stay with me. I would choose that over God’s will”

I knew that I was wrong. And I asked God to forgive me. And He did.

I am thankful that Jesus has conquered the grave, and that He was obedient to “drink the cup His Father had given Him”. I am thankful that He keeps promises, even when I completely abandon and forget about those promises. I am thankful that God uses me and loves me even though I drank the cup He has given me kicking and screaming. I am thankful for God’s will.


4 thoughts on “Standing at Golgatha

  1. Kir, you are so wise–or maybe you just listen to God so very well–but that entry does describe your experience and what is at the heart of it very well. When you can listen even when God is not saying what you want to hear, you are a brave soul, you, a


  2. *sigh* Just what I needed to hear as a pregnancy test is looming in our future this week (of which I am currently ambivalent, like a mixture of excitement and anxiety, ugh). Now that we’re both back in town, let’s get together!


  3. I really loved this. It is such a wise understanding of how God’s will might not always be what we want. I’m excited to meet this week. And I am glad you liked my “mother hen” blog 🙂


  4. Pingback: Good Friday reflection | The Kirsten Tree

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